Congrats. You lit candles. She still froze

Fix the silence she actually feels.

Author

Klaudia Slosarova
July 31, 2025

You said the right thing.

Asked how she was doing.

Stayed calm. Helpful. Non-reactive.

Classic nice guy move.

And for a second, it felt like it worked.

But two hours later she was cold. Quiet. A day later she was gone.

Impact ≠ Influence.

Impact is what you say.

Influence is what she feels when you say nothing.

That shift in your breath. That slight tension in your voice. The way your body braced for rejection even when your words were “Hey, I’m just checking in.”

She caught it.

She didn’t shut down because you were too much. She shut down because your presence was too off.

You were late.

She was early.

She sensed the distance before you even noticed it forming.

And here’s the thing:

You keep trying to fix things through impact: words, gestures, logic, effort.

But what she needs is to feel you lead through influence.

That calm, grounded pull that makes her want to lean in, not lock up.

So no, it’s not that she’s “too sensitive.”

It’s that you’re emotionally behind the moment.

And no, your effort isn’t bad. It’s just empty without tension-awareness.

Niceness doesn’t equal safety.

Talking doesn’t equal leadership.

And effort without influence feels like pressure.

You don’t have to fix her mood.

You do have to change the air she breathes around you.

I break it down fully in this 4min video:

Why your efforts backfire and how to stop being a “nice guy” and start leading with influence.

Because when she stops trusting the air, It’s only a matter of time before she leaves the room.

Klaudia