Ever Tried Hammering in a Screw?

Imagine you’re on a road trip and you’ve taken a wrong turn.

The GPS says you’re way off course, and someone in the car says, “It’s too late to make it to the destination.” But instead of giving up, you pull over, recalculate, and realize there’s still time — you just need the right route.

All it took was the right map.

My client David felt the same way when his wife, Jessica, said their relationship was too far gone to fix and that she needed space.

David knew he had to rebuild trust to win her back, so he started working on a few key things:

1-Credibility – Being completely honest and transparent.

2-Reliability – Showing up consistently and being dependable.

3-Intimacy – Connecting with her on a deep, personal level.

4-Self-orientation – Shifting his focus from himself to her.

But building trust this way was taking too long, and David felt like he was getting nowhere.

The problem? David had the right tools but was using them in the wrong order. That’s like trying to paint a wall with a hammer.

So, we worked together on a faster, easier way to rebuild trust.

The shift: We started with Self-orientation

David needed to focus less on himself and more on Jessica so he would stop guessing and start understanding what really mattered to Jessica.

Here’s how he did it by discovering her pain, desires, and fears:

1) He started asking open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about where we are?” He listened without interrupting and didn’t try to fix things right away.

2) He watched her body language and noticed when she seemed distant. He’d gently ask, “Is there something on your mind?”

3) He reflected back what he heard: “It sounds like you’re worried about taking space. Is that right?” This showed he was really paying attention.

The result?

"When I started truly listening to Jessica, everything changed. We reconnected in ways I never expected." – David

Why it works:

If you focus on her feelings, you’ll understand her pain, desires, and fears.

If you understand her pain, you’ll know how to respond in ways that matter to her.

If you respond to what matters, you’ll create emotional security and rebuild trust.

If you create emotional security, the connection will grow.

If you rebuild that connection, she’ll feel closer to you again.

If David hadn’t made this shift, the distance between him and Jessica would have only grown.

Jessica would’ve felt unseen, unvalued, and eventually, she might have walked away for good. He would’ve lost his chance to reconnect and save their relationship.

It’s never too late to turn things around even if the situation seems hopeless.

If you’re where David was, thinking it might be too late, don’t wait it out and hope.

I’ve got 4 spots open for 1:1 coaching in May.

When they’re gone, they’re gone ( they will be gone)

If you’re serious about turning this around reply with “ACTION” and I’ll send you the details.

Or not and keep pretending the distance isn’t killing the marriage while she quietly plans her exit.

The choice is yours,

Klaudia

P.S New Here? Come and say 👋 hi on LinkedIn