Tired Of Cold Shoulders? Try this

“ If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it”- P. Drucker

Or can you?

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Last week I went to the gym:

Day 1, I hit the gym, ate well, came home, weighed myself—no results.

Day 2-4, same effort, same no results.

I thought to myself: “No results, the system isn’t working."

So I had 2 options: quit or keep going.

Day 5-7, I kept at it and finally saw toned legs.

Suddenly 1 day became day 1 and I started to see progress. Even though I slipped up, like eating chocolate

I succeeded because I believed in the process and committed to the routine.

In your marriage you’re putting in the work, trying to connect, but see no change in your wife’s behavior.

You get frustrated and move on to recreating the good old times, hoping it’ll change her feelings. But it doesn’t.

You feel exhausted, and hopeless, and your wife seems even colder. How much longer can you keep this up?

The problem: Your wife still sees the old you—broken promises, absence when needed, and defensive arguments.

She won’t open up, lies to avoid conflict, or tells you what you want to hear instead of the truth. This negative picture is deeply rooted in her mind and it affects how she looks at your intentions and actions.

The Solution: 2 Milestones, 4 KPIs

Milestones:

1) Erase that picture: Make her believe in your efforts.

2) Replace it with a new one: Make her certain about her commitment

KPIs:

A) Create a Belief:

1) Keep Her Interested

Show genuine interest in her day and listen, she will start opening up.

2) Keep Her Informed

If she starts opening up and you have honest conversations, her belief in you changes, and you find the root cause of issues

B) Create Certainty:

3) Keep her Involved

If you find the root cause and ask for her advice on important matters, she will feel valued and involved in decisions.

4) Keep Her Inspired

If she feels valued and involved, and you support her passions, she will feel inspired and reconsider her commitment to you.

Why it works: Small consistent actions>intensity

Going to the gym for 5 hours a day does not get me in shape

Going to the gym for 20-40 mins every day does.

Just like hitting the gym consistently, even small consistent steps in your marriage will lead to a more connected and committed marriage.

Alternatively, wait too long, her walls grow higher.

Quick fixes deepen disconnection.

Cold distance becomes permanent

Until next week,

Klaudia

P.S. Still got Questions? Learn more about my coaching, read all the reviews, and view my calendar here

P.P.S. Thrilled to welcome our 203 newest Marriage Mechanics! You've taken the first step to a happier, more fulfilling marriage. Let's get started with these tips! Come and say 👋 hi on LinkedIn